"Time Heals All Wounds"?

Today wasn't as bad as I thought. It was one year ago today (as most of you know) that I had a miscarriage at 12 weeks. I only cried a little bit last night. The miscarriage really hit me hard and it has taken a really long time for the hurt in my heart to turn in to an ache. That experience was the worst thing that has ever happened to me. I have never experience such pain, physically, emotionally or mentally. I mean I labored for 2 days at home to pass everything and still had to have a D & C. And I mean labored; it was worse than my labor with Andrew. The cramps were so strong that it actually induced milk production. That didn't help any with the healing process either. I was actually schedule to have my procedure on that Monday, but of course, nature stepped in on Sunday night, then at the doctor's the next day it looked like most everything had passed so she gave me some medicine, methergine I think, to help me contract the rest out. Well, evidently I had a bad reaction to it, the lights started flickering, then I started throwing up. So, not only was I having contractions I was also puking. UGH! So, went in on Tuesday and the doctor decided to do the D & C any way. Thank GOD for that. She told Marc after it was done that I still had a lot of tissue build up and probably would have continued like this for a few more days. Could you imagine? If, God forbid, this ever happens to you my advice is to get the D & C. You go in go to sleep and it is done. Then you can start healing all of you. I was a bit anxious about that; I had never been put under before, but it wasn't bad. I think maybe one of the reasons it upset me for so long was that the due date was almost the same as Andrew's so I knew exactly what should have been going on each month and it was hard not to think about when I should have been feeling the baby move or how we would have been finding out the sex around Thanksgiving and so on. Then, not to mention the fact that we started trying again as soon as we got the ok and still no luck. I mean, I was so happy to have gotten pregnant all on my own. We only tried for 3 months before we found out we were going to have baby number 2, then it was all gone. It is so frustrating! We have been TTC with help now since January!!! The past 12 months have been tough and I feel like I deserve, maybe that is too strong of a word, need something celebrate for myself. Sometimes it is the hardest thing to do, trust in God's plan for you, when is seems not to be the same as yours. I just have to trust and pray that He will give me strength, healing, patience and understanding. And thanks to everyone who was and has been so nice to me through out all my trials this year.